My Review of Entitled Male Gamer VII

When More of the Same Shit Industries announced the latest in their critically acclaimed Entitled Male Gamer series, many wondered if the new game could truly capture the sense of privilege, fear of change, and seething hatred for any form of commentary or criticism that lead to the series’ previous titles capturing – and holding to ransom – the hearts of gamers everywhere.

Well, they’ve done it. I don’t know how, but they’ve done it. What Entitled Male Gamer V and VI lacked, Entitled Male Gamer VII makes up for with its brute offensiveness and sheer vitriolic shrieking. The game starts in the same way as many of its predecessors: some woman somewhere has found her way to a computer, managed to control her raging emotions and writhing, snake-like limbs for long enough to write something on the internet, and busted out the Big M Word – misogyny – to boot. It is up to you, the Entitled Male Gamer, to take that bitch down a notch.

You can do this in a number of ways, and here is where the game’s innovative decision-making processes pay homage to, and improve upon, those of the series’ past titles. Perhaps you will spam this daring woman’s blog with hateful comments; maybe you want to dox her, find out where she lives and send her rape threats; start a petition to get her fired from her job for daring to question the status quo; or, here’s a suggestion, why not create an online game in which the objective is to punch the woman repeatedly, with her face getting more and more bloodied and bruised with each hit? All the while, your character, of course, remains staunchly in denial of sexism in the gaming community. A combination of choices at start-up and button combos also determines what type of abuse you want to throw at any particular woman – are you a fan of plain old misogyny, or do you want to throw some transphobia in to boot? The world is your proverbial, incredibly offensive, spiteful oyster! Serves her right, though, for questioning male supremacy, am I right, fellas?

Not only are the ways you interact with the world of Entitled Male Gamer VII far more detailed, the character options at start-up have also increased! You now have the option of playing as a straight white man in a Halo t-shirt or a straight white man in a Call of Duty shirt. Fans of the series will also be pleased to know that the secret character – accessed by entering the Konami Code on the start screen – of a big, whiny baby is still fully playable.

The controls for Entitled Male Gamer VII are as follows:

Y – Allows you to type “you’re supposed to review the game, not give your opinion on the game” as a comment on any game review written by a woman that you disagree with.
A – Access the Men’s Rights Subreddit bookmark on your in-game phone so you can complain about feminazis!
B – Shout one of either “get back to the kitchen!” or “tits or GTFO!” at the nearest woman. Bet they’ve never heard THAT one before.
X – Roll on the floor, kicking and screaming, because gaming is ruined forever.

On the whole, Entitled Male Gamer VII is a detailed and characteristic take on being a spiteful, disgusting human being. It would make a fine addition to anyone’s games collection – provided they are a complete tool.

Entitled Male Gamer VII scores 9 weeping manbabies out of 10.

(Love and solidarity to Carolyn Petit, and anyone who has endured a hate campaign by the monolith of misogynists after daring to question sexism within the games industry.)

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